Risotto made with long-grain rice, mince, chopped tomatoes and carrot
by Niko Ovenden
“It was my dad’s recipe - he had no idea that you were supposed to use risotto rice…”
Pickled Garlic Clove Vindaloo
by Niko Ovenden
“It was all vinegary and acrid,and cooking it made my eyes sting something terrible.”
Sherry Trifle
By Grace Nicol
No sponge available, so used carrot cake instead
No sherry available, so used white wine instead
No custard available, so used natural yoghurt instead
No “hundreds and thousands” available, so used chopped walnuts
Cocktail Corner
“The Sad Thomas” - A gin and wasabi cocktail - by Tim B*****y
I invented the sad thomas in 1998 at a party that we held at a short-lived rental property in Leichhardt. It was quite a large party really, and because the block of land dropped away a lot of the more feral guests made their own party under the house where there were lots of spiders.At about 3am I found myself climbing up the side of the house and in through the kitchen window. There were a lot of people in there and I told them that I would make a drink. I had the idea that gin and wasabi were both pretty interesting, and that matching them with a slice of lemon and a basil leave would solve a lot of problems.
I haven’t drunk one for a long time, but they really weren’t that bad.
P.S. On the same night Tim B****s talked someone into drinking citronella and three or four people fell into a goldfish pond.
The End.
Just the thing for Wimbledon watchers hankering to fire up the BBQ… after copious imbibing of bubbly but of course.
What are the Crap Food Awards?
Do you feel inadequate and ashamed by the time, money and effort that other people put into their cooking?
Rather than go to the shops to get some decent ingredients, would you rather use just what’s lurking in your cupboard, with no thought as to or flavour combinations or aesthetic?
Do people make excuses when you mention inviting them round for dinner?
Have you concocted an original dish so awful that it could be eligible for a Crap Food Award?
